I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
