can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
