i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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