I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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