I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
