So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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