You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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