If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
