she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
