i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
