My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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