I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
