I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The beer is more important than you right now.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
