I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
