so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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