how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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