the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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