im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
A bitchslap is in order.
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