why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
