I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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