I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
