my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
one might say we're banned from that church
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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