my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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