Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Do vagina's smell?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
