i don't like sucking hair
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
