Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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