haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
"it" just moved
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
