Fine. I'll sleep in my office
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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