not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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