Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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