I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
