It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
