dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
