roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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