i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
