I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
