My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
