"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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