i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
