I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
