I wanna bring you to show and tell
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
