You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
