A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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