YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
