There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i may or may not be watching the land before time
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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