Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
