He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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