Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
His nipple licking is glorious
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