she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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