ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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