You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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